Why Does He Do That?

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, Berkley, 2003. 

Friends and co-workers of abusive men are often reluctant to b believe the wife, because the abuser behaves normally around them. Except for people who are mentally ill, abusers abuse not for emotional reasons, such as losing their temper, but rather because their thoughts and beliefs are wrong. Victims of abuse are at risk of being gaslighted. Keep a written journal of your abuser’s behavior. Contact an attorney who specializes in domestic abuse. Do not lie to protect your abuser, whether out of shame, or a misplaced sympathy for him. 

What Happens If You Threaten to Leave

• Abuser threatens suicide

• Threatens to kidnap children

• Bad mouths you

• Tells mutual people to take his side

• Stalking

How to Leave Safely

• Hide car keys, birth certificates, health insurance card, debit and credit cards, social security cards, passports in a safe place. 

• Not just your own, but also those of your children. 

• Open a secret bank account

• Open a secret post office box to receive mail

• Obtain a permit for pepper spray

• Tell people at your place of work bout your abuse husband

• Carry a mobile phone

• Teach you children how to dial 911

Where to Go for Help

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

• 1-800-799-7233

• 1-800-799-SAFE